3 am
Thinking about the Independent Lens seen on PBS.... that made me cry with the sudden arrow to the heart of understanding, like how is this our world... But is it wonderful this awfulness, the hippies becoming millionaires and hiring poor Mexicans who leave their beloveds to make money that buys cows and food and clothes for their daughters who mourn their missing daddy. And i thought of that insane longin to have my father home from work how we learn is a thing he must do so that we eat. As mother had to do it too - leave us, they had to leave us and all we wanted was them nearby to see what we create, what we made up and it is all desperate because there wasn't enough time, and though they mdae time, stillthey had to leave.
I remember resenting going to relatives house for a holiday because i wanted my parents all to myself, or us, even though i had to share. i remember wanting to parent my parents, buy them presents and experiences, keep them with me.... so wild for one who couldn't wait to leave home. But i always wanted them. So seeing these workers and their families longing made me remember, awakened the child who saw clearly her longing and the way of the world, how even then she wished for a way to help them who worked so hard and loved so hard.....
Saying GoodBye to Daddy
He goes because we need food and clothes
and by this sacrifice and duty he shows
how much he loves us
years away when he wont see
all the ways we change, from on to three
and then to nine because something
about inconsistently dilating time
he will return younger than me
when I arrive at 43, but in between
we ate and grieved the living death
of he who made me
who can watch by farview all we do
transmitted with varying delays
at one point weeks, or years or days
as tech improve such is life of a child
of a technoslave extraterrestrially deployed
returning younger than the kids he made
amazed at the freedoms they've enjoyed
the hearth and home his sacrifice made.
Akua Lezli Hope
